Great Philosophical Studies in Hipocracies

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
>>sweaty things.
>>>>2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
>>>>3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
>>>>4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?>>>>5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
>>>>6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
>>>>7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
>>>>8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
>>>>9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
>>>>10. Is there another word for synonym?
>>>>11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
>>>>12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?>>>>13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
>>>>14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
>>>>15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?>>>>16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
>>>>17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
>>>>18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
>>>>19. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
>>>>20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
>>>>21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
>>>>22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
>>>>23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algae-bra?
>>>>24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>>>>25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
>>>>26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
>>>>27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
>>>>28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
>>>>29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "S" in it?
>>>>30.
>>>>31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
>>>>32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
>>>>33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?>>>>34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?