The Guy's Rules (Spiced Up)

> >THIS IS 100% TRUE
> >  The Guys' Rules
> >At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
> >down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must
> >admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules"
> >from the female side. Now here are the rules from the
> >male side. These are our rules! Please note...these
> >are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
> >
> >  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
> >If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
> >down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving
> >it down.
> >
> >  1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
> >changing of the tides. Let it be.
> >
> >1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
> >to think of it that way.
> >
> >1. Crying is blackmail.
> >
> >1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
> >Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
> >Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
> >
> >1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
> >almost every question.
> >
> >1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
> >solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
> >girlfriends are for.
> >
> >1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. >
> >See a doctor.
> >
> >1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
> >  argument. In fact, all comments become null
> >AND void
> >after 7 days.
> >
> >1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
> >girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
> >
> >1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don 't
> >ask us.
> >
> >  1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
> >and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
> >the other one.
> >
> >1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
> >how you want it done. Not both.! If you already know
> >best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> >
> >1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
> >say during commercials.
> >
> >1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
> >neither do we.
> >
> >1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
> >settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
> >  Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
> >
> >1. If it itches, it will be scratched...We do that.
> >
> >  1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
> >will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
> >but it is just not worth the hassle.
> >
> >1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
> >expect an answer you don't want to hear.
> >
> >1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
> >you wear is fine ...Really.
> >
> >1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
> >are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
> >shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
> >
> >1. You have enough clothes.
> >
> >1. You have too many shoes.
> >
> >1. I am in shape...Round is a shape.
> >
> >1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to
> >sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men
> >really don't mind that? It's like camping.