ME!!!

1.. What is the time right now: 1:14 pm
2..Full Name:Kimberly Mako Raab
3..Nickname: Kimmy, Pink Power Ranger, Kimpossible, etc.
4.. what are u wearing: red t-shirt, silver track pants
5.. Star sign: scorpio. if that's what you mean
6..Where do you live: colorado springs
7.. Sex : gurl
8.. Single or taken: single!
9.. Righty or Lefty: Righty
10.. Hair color: brownish red (but u can't really see the red)
11.. Eye color: brown
12.. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: nope
13. Are you going to send this to your crush: no
14.. Birthday: October 31, 1992
ON GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT
1.. Boxers or brief:boxers
2.. Long or short hair: skatery
3.. Dark or blonde hair: who really cares?
4.. Tall or short:not shorter than me otherwise it doesnt matter
5.. Six pack:hey, if they got one, good for them.
6.. Muscular arms: yea i guess but not too much
7.. Good or bad guy: heh heh...
8.. Hat or no hat:i kinda like both, know wut i mean? 9
.. Ears pierced or not: uhm idk
10..Dimples:wut the heck.
11.. Sensitive:yea
12.. Smart:i guess. but not smarter than me. :-)
13.. Fat or thin: idk not too fat, but it's what's on the inside that counts
14.. Jewelry or none:wutever
15. Curly or straight hair: both. not really importants=
16.. Freckles or none:i dont like freckles, but they dont really bug me
17.. Indoor or outdoor:both
18.. Shy or outgoing: depends on my mood

*~EVERYONE~*
1.. Would you date someone just for his or her looks: no
2.. Mud or jelly: huh?
3.. Skiing or snowboarding: skiing, but i've never snowboarded.
4.. Summer or winter: both
5.. Cake or pie: cake
6.. Silver or gold: silver
7.. Sunset or sunrise: sunset
8.. Have you ever fractured/broke/sprained a bone: i've sprained my wrist and my ankle, but no broken bones.
9.. Do you have any piercings: just one on each ear. but once i'm 18, ya'll better watch out. :-)
10.. What's your favorite colour:black
11.. Do you hate anyone: no. i've had insight on real hate, and its a horrible thing and i hope that i never even come close.
12.. Who do you dream about:a lot of people
13.. Do you have a crush on someone right now: yep.
14.. Who's your loudest friend: krysten
15.. Who do you tell ur dreams to: no one
16.. What shampoo do you use?: garnier fructis. or whatever's there.
17.. How many TVs in your house:3??
18.. Who is the last person you called: lily
19.. Where do you want to get married: idk. hawaii? paris? london?
20.. Favorite number: 13
21.. Favorite boy name: AJ
22.. Favorite girl name: Latania
23.. Have you ever gone skinny dipping: heck no
24.. Have you ever been in love: yes
25.. How many people are you sending this to:none. this is a blog. duh.
26.. Who do you hope will send it back: no one. again, this is a blog
27..What was the last film you saw at the cinema: superman
28.. whats the time now? 1:19 pm

Great Philosophical Studies in Hipocracies

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
>>sweaty things.
>>>>2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
>>>>3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
>>>>4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?>>>>5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
>>>>6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
>>>>7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
>>>>8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
>>>>9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
>>>>10. Is there another word for synonym?
>>>>11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
>>>>12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?>>>>13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
>>>>14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
>>>>15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?>>>>16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
>>>>17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
>>>>18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
>>>>19. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
>>>>20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
>>>>21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
>>>>22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
>>>>23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algae-bra?
>>>>24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>>>>25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
>>>>26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
>>>>27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
>>>>28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
>>>>29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "S" in it?
>>>>30.
>>>>31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
>>>>32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
>>>>33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?>>>>34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

The ONLY Smart Poodle

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safariin Africa. She takes her faithful pet poodle along forcompany. One day, the poodle starts chasing butterflies andbefore long discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in hisdirection with the obvious intention of having lunch. The poodle thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by,and immediately settles down to chew on them with hisback to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard isabout to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack inmid-stride, and a look of terror comes over him as heslinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That poodle nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey watching the whole scene from anearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to gooduse and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get within earshot the poodle says...

"Where's that monkey?! I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Black Robbers

For anyone who didn't see David Letterman's take on this: (And it's a true story...)

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall...very tall...an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind but gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!!

Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button."

The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. "When I told my friend here to hit the floor," said the average sized one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having
a hard time not laughing. The woman thought: My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself. She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her
husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses. Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."

It was signed;
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan

***PSYCHIATRISTS' CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR EVERY DIAGNOSIS

Schizoprenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Dementia --- I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

Narcissistic --- Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic --- Deck The Hall and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and.........

Paranoid --- Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire

Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Obessive Complusive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

ADHD -- Hark the herald angels sing ba-rum-pa-pum-pum in the little town of Bethlehem up on the housetop in a winter wonderland one foggy Christmas Eve hey how bout them Bears no I don't want to switch to Sprint but thank you for shopping at K-Mart.

The Meaning of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . having friends.

At age 16 success is . . having a drivers license.

At age 35 success is . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . having money.

At age 70 success is . . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . not peeing in your pants.

The Great Midwest

There have been some misunderstandings that frequentlydevelop when Easterners and Californians cross thestates of Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri,Nebraska, Oklahoma, North & South Dakota, andWisconsin. As a result the Midwest Tourism Councilshave adopted the following recommendations, in aneffort to help outsiders understand the ruralMidwesterner's mind. The following list will be madeavailable at Roadside Rest Stops, Airports, TrainStations, and Bus Stops across the Midwestern States.

1. That slope shouldered farm boy did more work beforebreakfast than you will do all week at the gym. Please reserve your condemnation!

2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. We have a four wheel drive because we need them. Drive yours or get it out of the way.

3. We started hunting and fishing when we were five years old. Yes, we saw Bambi and we got over it.

4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our women will get you whipped . . . by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don'tcry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.We have a name for those 13 inch Trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at that time. Can you say 'skeet'?

8. No, there's no "vegetarian special' on the menu. Order a steak and order it rare. Or, you can order theChef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Yes, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You may bring Coke into my house, but it had better be brown, wet and served over ice!

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. Please be prepared, we may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yes, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle too. If you really want sushi and caviar, they are available at the bait shop.

15. They're pigs! That's what they smell like! Get used to it!

16. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday and you can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves? It's called being friendly. Please try to understand and accept the concept.

18. Yes, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the waterhazards! It spooks the fish.

19. If there is anything that you didn't like about any of these statements, then: Interstates 44, 64, 70, 80, 90, and 94 go East and West. Interstates 29, 35, 55 and 57 go North and South. Take your pick!


Ya'll come back now, hear!

Christians and Light Bulbs

**Note** I know that not all of these denominations are considered "Christian," but I thought they were worth a good laugh. I hope nobody gets offended.


How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?